Chunky – A Raisin-Lover’s Dream

Chunky isn’t sold in Canada and isn’t exactly a high-profile bar, so I hadn’t even heard of it when it was memorably referenced in an episode of Seinfeld (“I know the chunky that left these Chunkies!”). Of course, at that point I had to try it, and I do recall being somewhat disappointed in discovering that Newman’s candy-of-choice was so plain. It’s just chocolate, peanuts and raisins.

Chunky

Your enjoyment of this bar is highly dependent on whether or not you like raisins. It is extremely raisiny, with a very generous amount of raisins in each segment. Also, the milk chocolate seems to be imbued with the flavour of raisins, as the chocolate itself has a fairly pronounced raisiny/fruity flavour.

Chunky

There are also peanuts in there, which add subtle crunchiness as well as a slight peanutty flavour, however the star of the show remains the numerous raisins, along with the very sweet, slightly fruity chocolate. The whole thing is quite similar to Cadbury’s Fruit and Nut, though that is clearly the superior product; the chocolate is better, and it isn’t quite so overwhelmingly raisiny (okay, I’ll admit it – I’m not a big fan of raisins).

2.5 out of 4

Manufactured by: Nestle
Calories (40 g bar): 190

Hebert’s Fully Loaded Rocky Road Milk Chocolate Bar – A Whole Bunch of Tasty Stuff

Looking at Hebert’s Fully Loaded Rocky Road Milk Chocolate Bar (that just rolls off your tongue, doesn’t it?), it becomes clear pretty quickly that they’re not kidding around with the whole “fully loaded” thing: the entire underside of the bar is completely covered with chunks of walnuts, dark chocolate and marshmallow pieces. My initial impression was that the bar may just be too overloaded, with my fear being that all that stuff would overwhelm the chocolate. Happily, I was wrong.

Hebert’s Fully Loaded Rocky Road Milk Chocolate Bar

It probably helps that, despite the thick layer of chunks on the bottom of the bar, the actual bar itself is pure chocolate. The chocolate itself is very creamy, and has a smooth, milky flavour. The marshmallows (which seem to be infused with a dark chocolate flavour) add their own taste, as well as a mild chewiness. As for the nuts, they’re slightly crunchy but otherwise doesn’t bring much to the table.

Hebert’s Fully Loaded Rocky Road Milk Chocolate Bar

This Fully Loaded bar is definitely better than I thought it would be. It’s not overly sweet, as you might imagine it would be, and the flavours all compliment each other fairly well.

3 out of 4

Manufactured by: Hebert Confections
Calories (78 g bar): 400

Colts Bolts – Further Proof of the Perfection of the PB/Chocolate Combo

This is another item I found at the Cracker Barrel, which is somewhat of a treasure trove of hard-to-find candy made by smaller manufacturers (not to mention an above-average place to eat compared to similar family-friendly chain restaurants).

Colts Bolts

I think the easy comparison to make here is to Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups – but this is actually quite different from that, despite essentially being made up of the same components. Colts Bolts features a layer of milk chocolate, a very thick layer of creamy, sweet peanut butter with whole almonds mixed in, topped with another layer of milk chocolate.

Colts Bolts

The peanut butter is very smooth and sweet, and has a much more subdued peanut taste than your usual peanut butter – it almost tastes like peanut butter icing moreso than just plain PB. The addition of whole almonds gives the Bolt a satisfying crunch, as well as adding a nutty taste which helps compensate for the subtlety of the peanut butter. The almonds (rather than, as you might expect, peanuts) also contribute a unique flavour, which differentiates these from a standard peanut butter cup. The milk chocolate suits the peanut butter well, and the whole thing adds up to a pretty satisfying treat.

3.5 out of 4

Manufactured by: Colts Chocolates
Calories (56 g cup): 300

Valomilk – Absolutely Delicious (if you can find a Fresh One)

I recently took a day trip into the States, and of course, I had to stop by a Cracker Barrel in order to pick up a candy I have a definite love/hate relationship with: Valomilk. Love, because when Valomilk is fresh, it’s delicious and easily among my favourites. Hate, because finding a fresh one is ridiculously hit-and-miss.

Each package of Valomilk contains two chocolate cups – each about the size of a Reese’s Big Cup – filled with a soft, flowing marshmallow centre. The marshmallow in here is very unique; it’s not fluffy at all (or at least it shouldn’t be, assuming it’s not too stale) and is similar in consistency to the caramel inside a Caramilk or Caramello. It has a satisfyingly rich vanilla taste, and combined with the better-than-average milk chocolate, it thoroughly hits the spot.

As you can see from the picture, both cups suffered from a bit of leakage, which seems to be the norm with these (in fact, I think I got lucky with the minimal amount of leaking in these cups – I’ve seen far worse). The only way to ensure that you get a pair of cups without too much damage is to stand there in the store and feel the tops of each package, until you find one that feels smooth.

Valomilk

Of course, this being Valomilk, staleness has reared its ugly head – while I’ve had much worse, these cups were already a bit past their prime. You can’t tell from the picture, but the flowing marshmallow had started to partially solidify in certain areas.

Which leads me to this: I have some advice for the good folks at the Russell Sifers Candy Company: change the packaging. Seriously. Change the packaging. What you’ve got right now, which I can only assume is sealed by hand, is completely inadequate. Maybe it has some kind of old-timey appeal, but I couldn’t care less about that. You need to completely overhaul your packaging to maximize the freshness of the product. When buying your candy is like rolling the dice at a craps table, you know you’ve got trouble.

I have a suggestion: lose the flimsy paper wrapper. It does absolutely nothing to protect the delicate cups, nor does it particularly do much to slow down the product’s disconcertingly fast march towards staleness. Perhaps a small cardboard box would work better; one just big enough for the two cups so they don’t slide around at all. And vacuum pack it. I know this will be more expensive. You’ll have to raise the price. Do it! I’d pay double if I knew that I was almost certainly going to get a fresh product. I don’t buy nearly as many of these as I used to, and it’s only because finding a completely fresh, undamaged one is sort of like finding a four-leaf clover.

Valomilk

Finally, you need to print a “best before” date on the packaging. I know you’ll probably lose some money once the product goes past its date, and people no longer want to buy it, but in the long run I’m sure you will gain sales. People will be much more likely to buy your product if they know it’s going to be (reasonably) fresh. Perhaps I’m wrong, though I suspect otherwise.

This is starting to get a bit long, so let’s just say that I think Valomilk is great, but with a few substantial caveats. I’m going to give it three-and-a-half chips; at its best it easily deserves four, but finding a pristine Valomilk is much harder than it should be.

3.5 out of 4

Manufactured by: Russell Sifers Candy Company
Calories (2 cups, 57 g): 260

Mars Caramel – A Downgraded Mars Bar

You can file Mars Caramel under “U” for “unnecessary” – not that it’s completely without virtue, it’s just that it’s essentially superfluous. It’s an offshoot of the Mars Bar (Milky Way in the states), which normally consists of nougat topped with a layer of caramel. Mars Caramel forgoes the nougat altogether, and consists entirely of caramel enrobed in milk chocolate.

Mars Caramel

The problem here is that the bar contains the exact same caramel you’ll find inside a regular Mars Bar, which normally, balanced out by the nougat, works quite well. Here, however, the soft, slightly chewy and very sweet caramel just seems to be missing something. You expect to taste the nougat, but of course, it’s not there. The caramel itself doesn’t really have the complexity to carry the whole bar, and while it does have that Mars Bar taste, it’s just kind of plain – sweet, but without anything to ever make you want to pick this over a standard Mars Bar.

Mars Caramel

Ultimately, Mars Caramel is unnecessary because it’s just a downgraded Mars Bar. It’s kind of like listening to a song you like with one of the main instruments removed – it’s a little bit interesting at first, but ultimately there’s a reason why all the instruments are there.

2.5 out of 4

Manufactured by: Mars
Calories (45 g bar): 210