Boyer Archives - Candyrageous

I think at this point I’ve reviewed every candy bar in the genre of crispy, sugary, and peanut-buttery. There’s 5th Avenue, Butterfinger, Crispy Crunch, Zagnut, and now Clark Bar. Is that it? Am I done? I think I’m done.

Until now, they had all been mostly interchangeable (outside of Zagnut’s delightful substitution of toasted coconut for chocolate), but Clark Bar is actually a bit different. Is it different in a good way? I don’t think so, but maybe you’ll disagree.

It’s weird. It starts out incredibly crunchy — it’s oddly difficult to even bite into — but then it becomes chewy and you’re thinking, wait, is this stale? But no, that’s just part of it. Once you’ve munched out the crunchiness, you’re left with a gummy, taffy-like sugary blob in your mouth that you have to chew on for quite a while.

It’s interesting, I guess, and the bar has a deeply caramelized flavour that helps to round out its intense sweetness. But it’s also lacking in peanutty flavour, which makes it taste a bit one-note sweet.

After a while the in-your-face sugariness and the off-putting chewy/crunchy contrast becomes exhausting. It’s easily my least favourite of the aforementioned candy bars.

Manufactured by: Boyer
Nutritional info (1 bar, 57 grams): 250 calories, 6 grams of fat (3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat), 0 mg of cholesterol, 10 mg of sodium, 47 grams of carbohydrates, <1 grams of fibre, 37 grams of sugar, 1 gram of protein.
Ingredients: Milk chocolate (sugar, cocoa butter, chocolate liquor, milk powder, butter oil, soy lecithin, vanilla extract), corn syrup, sugar, peanuts, molasses, invert sugar, salt, coconut oil, vanilla extract, soy lecithin.

It’s been several years since I’ve had a Mallo Cup; my memory is that it’s basically an inferior version of Valomilk. But then Valomilk isn’t exactly easy to find. I’ve only ever seen it in the Cracker Barrel gift shop, which makes it pretty much impossible to buy at the moment. Popping down to the States for a day trip probably isn’t going to be in the cards for quite a while.

Well, Mallo Cup, it turns out, is exactly as I remembered. It’s fine? I guess? But Valomilk is the superior candy in literally every regard, and they’re so similar that it’s impossible not to compare them.

It’s a pretty simple concept; it’s a chocolate cup filled with marshmallow creme (which the packaging calls “whipped creme”). Mallo Cup distinguishes itself from Valomilk by including coconut flakes in the chocolate, but they’re otherwise identical.

The coconut is actually a nice touch; it adds a very subtle crispy texture and a hint of coconut flavour. The cups are a bit bland aside from intense sweetness, so I actually wish there were a bit more coconut. But it’s fine.

That’s the thing, there’s nothing overtly wrong with it — the gooey creme and the creamy chocolate make for a satisfying combo. But the flavour is one-note sweet; neither the chocolate nor the creme have all that much flavour other than an overriding sugariness. It’s decent enough, but since Valomilk is a thing that exists in the world, it’s kinda superfluous.

Manufactured by: Boyer
Nutritional info (2 cups, 42 grams): 200 calories, 8 grams of fat (5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat), <5 mg cholesterol, 40 mg sodium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, 24 grams of sugar, 0 grams of fibre, 1 gram of protein.
Ingredients: Milk chocolate (sugar, cocoa butter, milk, chocolate liquor, and soy lecithin), corn syrup, sugar, water, coconut, dextrin, egg white, salt, guar gum, natural and artificial flavor, potassium sorbate (to preserve freshness) and soy lecithin.

Tag: Boyer

Clark Bar – Crunchy, Chewy, and Odd

Mallo Cup – Overly Sweet Marshmallow Cups